Chicken Lady

        Lets see…Tanya and I got involved with Cub scouts and did that for 3 years.  We had Cocker Spaniels for dogs that would stand outside and growl at their food all the time…we had rabbits and chickens which Tanya killed…just kidding…she only killed one rabbit (a baby) and cut the heads off the chickens!  We bought a new (used) car…we got married…Tanya got pregnant…we built a fence in the front yard…you say back up to what?  The Tanya thing and being pregnant?  Yep, we were going to have a baby.  Hang on…in due time.

Anyway, one day we decided to have chicken.  Tanya went to the garage and got the dullest ax that she could find to do the job.  I don’t know why I didn’t do anything but watch, but it was fun. 

        She grabbed a poor chicken and laid him down in the dirt.  My dad had told her that you could hypnotize a chicken by laying them down on something, and drawing a line from their beak straight out and away from them.  They would then stare at the line and not move.  Tanya decided that the soft dirt was a good place to scratch a line for the bird. 

        Low and behold, the stupid chicken just lay there like a bump on a log.  Up went the dull blade high into the air and then…Whump!  Lets see…soft dirt with a bunch of feathers lying on top with a big dull piece of metal slamming down on top of that.  It didn’t work to well.  The blade of course did nothing more than bounce off the feathers and dirt, cut the bird, and bounce back at Tanya.

        Now the stupid chicken…dumb cluck…was hurt and running around like chicken with its head cut…no…almost cut off!  Tanya’s screaming, I’m running around trying to catch it, it’s clucking, and now the kids are joining in by running around screaming and laughing.  When I do catch it, Tanya tries again and has the same results.  I run and get the machete from my Suzuki.  This did it…finally.  It was dull to.  Blood, feathers, and chicken parts everywhere.

        This was too much.  I called dad on the phone to have him help.  Meanwhile, Tanya hung the now dead stupid chicken up on the fence.  She heard that you should “Bleed” them before cooking.

        Dad came over with his trusty “Ginsu” knife and a coat hanger.  He bent the coat hanger in a hook type fashion and simply caught a chicken by the leg as it ran by.  We had like 7 chickens by the way.  Once caught.  He merely held the chicken under one arm, pulled its neck out a little, and “WISK” quick as a wink, you had chicken heads lying in the yard still clucking, chicken bodies running around headless, and J.P. and Grant running around playing with the heads.

        As soon as that was done, dad said we had to stick them in a large boiling pot of water to aid in the plucking of the feathers.  Tanya grabbed the first one she had done off the fence where it had been hanging for an hour or so and was now stiff.  She boils the water up and sticks the bird into the pot.  Besides the horrific smell that arose and filled the kitchen, only half of the bird fit in the pot.  It was so stiff that the bottom half and its straight stiff chicken legs were sticking into the air.  You had to bleed them first huh?  Ah the joy of rigormortis.       

        Long story short, we finished the deed with the rest of the chickens.  The kitchen smelled for weeks.  What’s worse is the fact that no one would eat the things when Tanya cooked them.  They were more pets than anything.  I would tell you about the baby bunny incident but I’m upset enough as it is…heh, heh, heh.

        So anyway, yes Tanya and I got married.  Well you know, she kept bugging me and bugging me to get married.  I can understand since I was such a big hunk and all.  It was a curse.

        Actually, remember back on page whatever…I promised myself that I wouldn’t get mushy or serious with a woman until I was at least 30 years old?  OK, well, That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.  I still remember the day.  She told me to marry her or get out!  I had already bought the ring of course so I was prepared.  I was the day after my 30^th birthday.

       Now the whole wedding, honeymoon thing you don’t want to know about.  What I will do to save time though is scan the original list that Tanya and I made up of everything that went wrong.  It’s like 3 pages front and back of tablet paper.  In the mean time, here is a picture of that fateful day.

My sister julie, Tanya, Me, my dad August 10, 1990

Well, what else happened in Reno? Oh yeah, Tanya got pregnant.  This happened right about the time we were thinking of moving.  The project was winding down at work and we have the habit of getting itchy feet every once in awhile.  Because of the fact that we were going to have a baby made us put off plans for just a bit.

Everyone was in a hustle and getting things ready.  We made the extra room into a nursery.  Tanya and I decided that we wanted to know what the baby was going to be…boy or girl.  That way we could plan better.  When the time came, the doctor told us it was to be a girl…perfect!  I had wanted a girl to begin with.  Tanya had two boys so this was going to work out great.  Of course right then that she was going to be spoiled.  My sister had two boys also so this baby was the only girl in the family.  I couldn’t wait.  Now we needed a name.

We of course did the baby name books and stuff.  It finally came down to either Morgan or Reno.  We chose Morgan.  For the middle name, we chose a name that started with a B.  My mom is Betty, and Tanya’s mom is Barb.  We didn’t tell them the middle name for years to keep up the suspense and also so we could have the “family secret”.  Her middle name is Brittany by the way.  Had I have thought more about it, I think I would have made her middle name Reno…it’s cool sounding. 

 OK, well, with Morgan in a suitcase, literally, we took off around the Christmas holiday to Minnesota.  Why Minnesota you ask?  No reason in particular.  Tanya had grown up there and thought it might be nice to go back.  Tanya’s Aunt and uncle were in Egypt at the time and said we could stay at their place until they got back.  That worked for us.  I had never been there before so I was up for an adventure.  Tanya said it was nice.